


Swear Not by the Moon

by thundercaya



Series: Exterminator!Steve (auxiliary) [6]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:43:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercaya/pseuds/thundercaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve reflects on that thing that reflects on the Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swear Not by the Moon

The moon reminds Steve of Cecil. It reminds a lot of people of Cecil--he talks about it enough--but it holds an extra significance for Steve, because of the drive they took out in the desert, the night Steve explained its phases.

It was waxing gibbous and Steve wished he could have waited a few days until it was full. More romantic that way, he thought, but their schedules didn't align with the lunar cycle. It didn't matter so much. The moon's incompleteness didn't hinder Steve's explanation, which included a quick diagram scratched into the sand with a stick, as well as a flashlight and some good-sized rocks. (Which of course all doubled as deadly weapons in case of danger--it was really quite well planned.) Steve hadn't retained everything from school, especially not everything from science class, but he was glad he remembered that. He was glad he had something to give to Cecil.

Not that Cecil has it now, having been promptly re-educated. Steve was also re-educated. He no longer remembers how the phases of the moon work--something to do with the sun?--but he does remember that night, and so the moon reminds him of Cecil.

Usually. When the moon is a slim, barely-there crescent, it reminds him of Kevin.

It looks like his smile. Bright and bold and _there_ , not all the time (or what would Cecil have to talk about?), but so very present when it is. Steve doesn't get to see Kevin as often as he wants, doesn't get to see him for as long as he wants when he does.  A day, maybe two. Then he's back to watching the moon and waiting for the right phase, waiting for that smile, suspended in nothing. Not a human smile, more like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

Kevin's smile is not quite human. Not in a bad way. It's not _less_ than human. It's more. And really, Steve can't fault anyone for their smile; his own is a wreck. He doesn't remember what a proper smile feels like, doesn't remember what one looks like on his face. He has no photos from before he came to Night Vale, and he hasn't put on a proper smile since.  Typically his smile is a defense, like that of a service worker with social anxiety dealing with an unreasonable customer, politeness laced with terror. _I'm being so nice! You wouldn't hurt me... would you?_

Kevin wouldn't.  ("Unless you want me to. Ha ha.") Kevin is safe in all the ways Steve needs him to be, thrilling in all the rest. His skin is dark and warm like a summer night, soft like the breeze you'd expect from it, except for his face, which is rough like sand by the end of the day. He fits together with Steve, not perfectly, because the human body isn't built that way, but in a way that's perfect in its own right. Steve thinks all of this about Kevin, but he could just as easily be thinking of Cecil. That makes him uneasy.

Steve worries that he only loves Kevin because he once loved Cecil. He tries to shake this off--if anything, Kevin's physical resemblance to Cecil was a deterrent, something Steve had to overlook and get past before he could love Kevin. But what if he's just telling himself that? He knows he doesn't always have the purest motives, knows he doesn't always do the right thing, knows his judgment is flawed and biased and self-serving. Steve is sure of a lot of things--like the fact that the Night Vale City Council doesn't give a flying fuck about the town's citizens and the fact that the Sheriff's Secret Police harm more than they protect--but he is not sure of himself. But Kevin trusts him. And he trusts Kevin. So ultimately he trusts himself.

It's a new moon tonight, neither orb nor sliver nor phase between lighting the sky. But it will be back soon, the smile, Kevin's smile suspended in nothing, and then the real thing suspended in his face. Soon. Kevin will smile and Steve will smile back, a proper smile that he won't notice because he doesn't remember what they feel like and because he won't put it on. It will happen all on its own, like all the best things do.


End file.
